Nearly 70% of Americans worry more about running out of money than they do about dying. And it’s not necessarily because they don’t have enough money. Many people who, on paper, are financially secure with a solid income and high net worth fear losing it all overnight. This is the paradox of wealth.
The answer isn’t to build more wealth or to reach a magic number. It may never feel like “enough” until you address the underlying fears themselves. Here’s our take on how to work with the fear of losing everything, despite your high income.
The Lieberman Center offers financial therapy in New York for professionals in high-stakes careers. Offices in Garden City and Midtown Manhattan.
Why high earners worry about losing it all
Not only does making more money not always calm your financial anxiety; sometimes, it may even feel like the more wealth you build, the more you’re afraid that you’ll lose it all.
Here’s why.
Loss aversion
First of all, the fear of losing money (or anything else) is a natural human experience. Loss aversion is the economic and psychological concept that we feel the pain of losing something much more intensely than we feel the pleasure of an equivalent gain. So even when your finances are strong, the possibility of losing what you have may feel more urgent than the possibility of earning or saving more.
Nervous system wiring
These fears can become wired into your nervous system, especially if you’ve dealt with financial insecurity at some point in your life. When money was unpredictable, you may have learned to stay alert for signs that things could go wrong. That vigilance can continue even after your circumstances change. It may feel like that constant fear never leaves you, even if you’re secure now.
Worries about relationships
You might also fear that your relationships are tied to your income. You might even be afraid that your partner would leave if you were to lose all of your wealth. This doesn’t necessarily reflect your reality. These fears can come from deep-seated beliefs and trauma, even if your partner has done nothing to make you feel that their commitment to you is conditional.
Underlying insecurity and self-doubt
Many people have untrue or irrational thoughts about whether or not they “deserve” their wealth to begin with. This can happen because you’ve inherited your wealth or come into a sudden windfall later in life. You might also have underlying fears that your success was somehow a “fluke,” even if you’ve worked incredibly hard for it, and that all of it can disappear overnight.
Effects of chronic stress
Lastly, the role of stress can’t be emphasized enough. Stress can interrupt your sleep, change your eating habits, make you withdraw socially. All of this can contribute to rising anxiety, which can manifest as worrying about money. Unfortunately, the high-stakes careers (like law or medicine) that often allow people to build wealth can also be some of the fields that come with the highest rates of stress and burnout.
What is money dysmorphia?
Money dysmorphia can also play a role.
Money dysmorphia is an unofficial term that’s used to describe when how you perceive your financial situation doesn’t match the reality.
Think about body dysmorphic disorder, when what you perceive in the mirror doesn’t match your actual body appearance. With money dysmorphia, how you feel when you look at your bank account doesn’t reflect the actual numbers.
This can explain why you always feel broke, even when other people and even financial advisors tell you you’re doing fine.
Money anxiety and OCD
It can be normal to occasionally be struck with the fear of losing it all. But if this fear is constant or seriously impacting your financial decisions, it could be a sign of an anxiety disorder or even obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
OCD isn’t just a more intense form of anxiety. It’s a separate diagnosis that’s characterized by unwanted, recurring thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions).
Some signs you may be experiencing OCD about your finances include:
- Repeatedly checking your bank accounts, investments, or transactions to try to feel certain that everything is okay.
- Frequently asking your partner, family members, or financial advisor to reassure you that you won’t lose everything.
- Repeatedly calculating your net worth or running financial scenarios, even after you’ve already reviewed the information.
- Avoiding spending, financial statements, or money-related decisions because they trigger intense fear.
- Following rigid rules or rituals around spending, saving, or checking that feel difficult to stop.
- Spending so much time on money worries or checking that it disrupts your work, relationships, or daily life.
The only way to know for sure whether you’re experiencing OCD is to get evaluated by a licensed mental health provider.
Does money anxiety ever go away?
Many people in this situation end up wondering, “When is ‘enough’ finally truly enough?” In other words, is there a point where your income is finally high enough to feel secure?
The answer is often no, especially if you already have a high net worth. That doesn’t mean that you’ll always live with the fear of losing everything. But often, it’s more effective to change your mindset about wealth rather than trying to gain bigger and bigger numbers.
You can do this by:
- Notice the difference between what your finances show and what fear tells you. Remember that just because you feel fear emotionally doesn’t mean you’re objectively in danger. A clear financial plan may help you make decisions based on your actual situation instead of trying to prepare for every possible loss.
- Set limits around checking your accounts or recalculating your net worth. For example, you might choose a regular time to review your finances rather than checking whenever anxiety rises.
- Get curious about where the fear began and what it may be asking you to protect. Therapy can help you explore past financial insecurity and trauma and subsequent beliefs about what you deserve.
- Work with a therapist who understands financial anxiety in high earners. If the fear includes intrusive thoughts and repetitive checking or reassurance seeking, an OCD-informed evaluation may help clarify what kind of support could be useful.
Get financial therapy in NYC
If your income or net worth hasn’t brought the sense of security you expected, financial therapy may help you understand what’s underneath the fear. The Lieberman Center for Psychotherapeutics offers financial therapy in New York for professionals in high-stakes careers, with offices in Garden City and Midtown Manhattan.
Reach out to schedule a free consultation or learn more about working with us.